The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
