I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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