i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
