Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
