I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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