Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
