I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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