Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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