I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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