FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
