Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
where are my eyebrows?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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