Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
