He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
