Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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