My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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