ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
