you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
