If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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