u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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