were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
why is half of my head shaved?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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