yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize