Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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