Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
