How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
