you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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