Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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