I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
