i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
