Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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