I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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