I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
