tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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