The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
