Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
