His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i think my cat just said my name.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
