I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
