whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
