I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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