I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
