His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
