and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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