hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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