May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
