oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
