My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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