Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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