The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
