Buhtt sex?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
