Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
