These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
