i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
