hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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