just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
