my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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