he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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