just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
