just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
