; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
