Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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