I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
