I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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