Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
