do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
