watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
