Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
