She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
