I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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