i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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