no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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