Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
