So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
